Superstars Logo
Welcome to the official website of
Superstars Cricket Club
Home Page
News Archive
Fixtures & Results
Photo Gallery
Contact Us
Superstars Logo
Popular Links
Current Fixtures/Results
Last Season's Results
Current Tour
Current Awards Night Report
Current Annual Stats
Ken Block Trophy
This is Phil Patten's assessment of the team for 2000 with the odd amendment for pottymouthness, so could any lawsuits be directed to him please.
Player 1. Richard Abigail
This was Richard's second season for us and whilst he batted well he was often out just when he seemed set to make a big score - his top score in 9 innings was only 26 which is just not good enough. Mind you his best innings was when he opened against Post Office who had some wally named Middleton who was quick - really quick and rally dangerous. He scared the life out of me and I was fielding miles away (at gully). I lost count of the number of times the ball fizzed past Richard's head. Richard only scored 5 but he survived long enough to enable batsmen lower down the order to knock off the neccessary runs off worse bowlers. Also a good word here for Tony who opened with Richard, scored 16and at least belted the nasty man for a boundary before he was out. Tony if I was you I'd stop reading now - it's all slagging offs for you after this). But where was our esteemed captain and opening batsman when all this mayhem was taking place? Down at number 5 - no flies on Barry. This season Richard was given a chance with the ball and came dangerously close to winning in the averages - he took 7 wickets at an average of 6.71 (the winning average was 8.2). His best bowling performance was 3-4 against DCMS apparently giving the ball more flight than Barry or Steve! The pilots of the planes overhead must have been worried. Richard fielded well but Barry has asked me to mention the complete dolly against BHP. He did pocket two catches which was one more than Steve Carter and two more than Tony.
Player 2. Ken Block
A welcome return for our former captainand he promptly showed how much we had missed him by taking 3-15 in his first match against MOD. Though he bowled thereafter he did not have much luck (unlike some!) and only ended up with 9 wickets from 7 bowling stints, Batted once and got a glorious duck so nothing's changed there. Ken has lost none of his athleticism (who wrote this rubbish) in the field and managed to take one catch, the same as Steve Carter and one more than Tony.
Player 3. Steve Carter
Let's start with a little quiz. Which two players scored the most ducks this year? Mystified - well you shouldn't be - Steve Carter and Siva. Including his never to be forgotten knocks (see report), Steve scored an ultra impressive total of 15 runs in his five innings. In his next knock against Housing Corporation (first scoring shot a boundary!!!) he somehow managed to get 16 but blotted his copybook by running out Barry (going well on 33). Wish I was there to see Barry's reaction. After yet another duck against Dodgers, Steve gained his revenge in the last match of the season, also against the auld enemy, when he scored 30 and helped us to a comprehensive victory. Of course Steve will only talk about that inning, not the rubbish that went before. Still you're only as good as your last innings, not the rubbish that went before. Still you;re only as good as your last innings/over eh Tony. Similarly if you ask Steve about his fielding this season he will tell you about the "genius" catch he took against Dodgers (lucky bowler - Jason) but narry a mention of his numerous muck ups both when the ball was in the air and on the ground (though to be fair his ground fielding on tour was excellent). And, unlike Tony, he did take a catch. Barry had his worrying moments of madness and gave Steve a couple of overs which resulted in no wickets (quel surprise) but miraculously no 12 ball overs. Somehow the opposition only scored 10 runs off his pitiful bowling.
4. Terry Carter
Both Nick (batting) and Jason (bowling) had notions that they had shattered the all time records for runs scored and wiickets taken during a season. Unfortunately they were both flipping wrong - Barry and Ken are still proud owners of those records. However I wonder if, unnoticed, Terry has broken the wicketkeeping record. I suggest our records manager does a check. If so it is no more than Terry deserves. I can't recall anybody (particularly Steve or Tony) getting 22 victims in one season - 11 catches and 11 stumpings which, considering the waywardness of some of our bowlers, is totally remarkable. Because of his sterling service behind the stumps Terry was often demoted down the order and only batted 9 times scoring 91 runs at an average of 22.75. Apart from one or two notable occasions Terry managed to keep his temper in check - the ceremonial flinging of the gloves to the ground was conspicuous by it absence. As we played the majority of games at Chiswick Terry only missed four games and along with Barry, Mike, Jason, Craig and Tony(!) formed the backbone of the Superstars team this year. Unfortunately Terry could not make our tour to Llanelli but hopefully he can make next year's tour wherever it is. I'll keep him in booze (as long as I play my cars right and Dodger Phil McBarron is not invited).
Player 5. Matt Conway
Due primarily to work committments Matt only 5 times this year including twice on tour. The highlight of his season was hitting 55 against Housing Corporation when sharing the record breaking partnership with Nick (see below). He scored 90 runs in 4 innings and took 2 wickets in his three bowling stints. Though he did not take any catches he fielded well apart from the odd typically flamboyant dive at cover point.
6. Dave Crozier
At one stage this season Dave was, much to Mike's chagrin, a leading contender for the bowling but a return of 0-40 against Housing Corporation soon put the kibosh on that particular nightmare. His first four bowling figures were 2-10, 1-3, 1-18 and 2-19 which either means there are some rubbish batsmen around or Dave's a might good bowler. Er Yeesss. Since Barry considered Dave to be a bowler he only batted six times, with a top score of 13*. Whilst Dave could not be considered one of our better fielders he was certainly not the worst - more of that later.
Player 7. Barry Gigg
Barry played all 20 matches this season and apart from the first match on tour when he foolishly allowed Steve Carter to captain (see Tour Report) he skippered the side for every match. His captaincy has been criticised in the past (mainly by me and Tony) but this season he handled the side particularly well. OK there were moans about the batting order when certain people didn't get a bat or face only a few balls but you can't people all the selfish wallies (and boy are there some wallies in our team) all the time. Apart from one or two rare misjudgements Barry handled our often-fickle bowlers with understanding and alacrity. And this season he did not let the responsibilities of captain, organiser and general dogsbody affect his batting. Barry opened the innings more often than not, and usually provided a solid base for the rest of our batsmen to build on. He scored 449 runs in 20 innings with four not outs and a top score of 63 against Treasury Solicitors at an average of just under 30. As Craig, who often opened with Barry, had an average of 37 they formed a pretty good opening partnership and they certainly took the shine off the new ball so let's all hope that Steve Carter's days as an opener are numbered. Which reminds me of Barry's two low points this season - run out by Steve against Housing Corporation and getting his only duck of the season against Highways Agency (a brilliant catch I seem to recall). In the field Barry did make the odd mistake (kicking the ball away and dropping the odd catch) but in general he fielded well and took six catches.
Player 8. Simon Gundry
Until the last game of the season Simon was in pole position for both the batting and bowling trophies. Unfortunately (for Simon) Chris Smith nicked the bowling award by taking 2 wickets against Dodgers. But Simon did win the batting so there is no need for him to cut his wrists. Simon is no thicko and sussed out that the way to get a good batting average is to bat a wee bit down the order and not get out (a la Mike Taylor in 1999). He batted 8 times and was dismissed only twice, both times trying to hit the ball into orbit. But it was noticeable that there was an element of average protection in his latter innings. On the bowling front Simon was, without doubt, our fastest and most consistent bowler and in any normal year would have walked away with the best bowler trophy. Simon is a good fielder with a strong throwing arm and a reliable pair of hands (5 catches) - you can put him anywhere in the field and know he'll do a good job. Hold on this is getting far too sycophantic. I've just remembered the game against BHP near Chiswick. Simon said at the start of their innings that his back was playing up and he didn't want to bowl. Fair enough. But then he saw how awful their batsmen were (Jason took 2-6 which gives you some idea) and a miraculous transformation took place - he was positively chaffing at the bit to get a bowl. Barry finally relented and Simon duly took two wickets for one run, and with it smirked off thinking the bowling trophy was his. Well tough cheese!
Player 9. Mike Kamellard
Mike again came in from the Twilight Zone to go on tour (but played no games cos of the weather) but did manage to play five times during the regular season. T'would have been six but he became so engrossed in a West Indies vs Zimbabwe game one day match that the plonker forgot he was supposed to be playing for Superstars, Mike only took two wickets but I though that his bowling was more accurate this season. Not that line and length guarantees wickets - Siva never seemed to bother. Unfortunately Mike did not get a bat this year - a pity as he claims he is ambidextrous. Bet he can't wipe his bottom with either hand.
10. Steve Lomas
Steve played five times this season, batting on every occasion. He scored 30 runs with a best knock of 15* against Dodgers. I should have put "best" in inverted commas since it was on this occasion that Steve that other well known Speedy Gonzales Tony contrived to put on a superb 19 in the last five overs with the likes if Simon, Siva, Mike and Terry twiddling their thumbs waiting to bat. Needless to say our final total was not enough and we lost in the last over. Cheers idiots!
Player 11. Jason Marchant
Who was the jammiest bowler in the team this season? Some people say Jason, some say Siva. My vote would be Siva because while he bowled badly most of the time there were at least two occasions when Jason bowled well enough to merit his return. His best figures were 4-40 against Highways Agency and he returned other worthwhile figures of 2-6 (albeit against rubbish), 2-14 and 2-18. Jason's strength was that, no matter how he bowled - good, bad or downright flippin' ugly - he always picked up a wicket or two. In 16 bowling stints he failed to pick up a wicket only three times. Of course luck did play its part. When was the last time Steve Carter took a "genius" catch? Amswer about 1988 when playing for my Satursday side. When will Carter take his next catch in the outfield, genius or otherwise? About 2012 by my reckoning (Website Ed - we're still waiting beyond 2012!). As he was given a bowl in every game Jason only had six innings, and scored 20 runs in all including three not outs. I do agree with the practice of "giving everyone a go" but stalwarts like Jason, Mike and Terry did seem to lose out. In the field Jason excelled, taking 9 catches (the magic magnet seems to have passed on) and saving his fair share of runs although I did notice a worrying tendancy to want to field at slip, a position I think warrants a more mature individual.
Player 12. Steve Meyler
Steve deserves fulsome praise for his organisation of the tour this year. It was not his fault that the weather was rubbish - See tour report. As his wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy (I trust you've all seen the pictures - AAHH), Steve only played five times this year scoring a total of 70 runs with a best knock of 28no against the Housing Corporation. He bowled twice taking 0-25 (against rubbishy BHP) and 1-12. He did pocket catches which was one more than Steve Carter and two more than Tony.
(Website Ed - and that bouncing baby, Rhys, became a Superstars debutant in 2009 and star player in 2013)
13. Nick Nguyen
New recruit who is possibly the most talented batsman we have ever had in our side. Hits the ball extremely hard and, unlike some, is able to play against the better bowlers. He started off with 59* and 42 amd looked supremely confident as he marched out to face the demon Middleton (see above) but was unfortunately out first ball (played on). We he did look confident. He then scored another 50 and was well ahead in the averaged but managed only 20 runs in his next three visits to the crease which undoubtedly cost him the batting trophy. But then came the piece de reistance, a knock of 117 not out (in an opening partnership of 180 with Matt) against Housing Corporation. Tony's loathsome record has been beaten. How we all cheered (except Tony who didn't get a bat and went off in a huff). Nick finished as he had started with knocks of 54 and 61 - a total of 411 in 10 innings. Nick can also bowl but hurt his shoulder early in the season so he bowled just twice taking 0-11 in all (worse than Carter!!). Because of his shoulders Nick had to field in close position but did take 4 catches - mostly dollies.
Player 14. Phil Patten
Another consistent season for one of the elder statesmen of the team, highlighted by his all round bowling and his batting on tour. He took 11 wickets in 11 matches at an average of 15.73. Phil's great asset this season was his ability to bowl a nagging line and length which (but not always!) made him hard to put away. What were not hard to put away were the pints he consumed before, during and after the game. As old age sets in Phil sought to establish a specialist fielding position at slip. He claimed this was on strength of a couple of catches last season but the real reason was his crappy fielding on the boundary. Unfortunately for Phil injuries to players such as Nick and Simon restricted his slip fielding so he had to field in the outfield in the outfield more often than not. Barry ensured he got plenty of exercise by constantly moving him to different positions. He did pocket two catches (one at slip) which was one more than Steve Carter and two more than Tony.
15. Craig Perera
Another new recruit. Craig started the season as an opening bowler who could bat a little and ended up as an opening batsman who, cos of injury was unable to bowl at all. He bowled well enough in the early matches but only took one wicket, though he deserved more. But then bowling against Highways Agency Craig pulled his shoulder was unable to complete his over. What the flip is wrong with the youth of today? Both Nick and Craig, fit young lads, could not bowl for even half a season without breaking down. Would not have happened in my day I tell you - too many late nights and fraternising with the wrong type of people, too much money on their hands, lack of discipline, two years in a good regiment etc etc. As Craig was unable to bowl for the rest of the season. Barry decided to give him a chance with the bat. And Craig did not let the side down. He scored nearly 300 runs in 14 innings (six not outs) at an average of just over 37. Had he not on accasion sacrificed himself for the good of the cause he might have come close to winning the batting averages. As it was he had to be content with a couple of half centuries - apparently the first he has scored. Craig was very relaiable in the field, taking 7 catches, including a vital one to dismiss the dangerous Bultitude (much to my relief). In fact the only thing wrong with Craig is the awful football he supports. A quiz question for Craig - what is the only team in the football league that has all the following four letters - S C U M - in its name? (Website Ed - is it Norwich City).
16. Siva
This year I left Siva to last, basically becasue fail me. Siva can bowl well, as he proved on tour, and looking at the bare statistics one might be tempted to think that he bowled well thorughout the season. 50 overs, 18 wickets at an average of 11.44 (2nd), and a strike rate of 16.72 are impressive figures. Add to that the two best bowling figures of the year (4-14 against BHP and 5-25 against Dodgers) and you may feel that Siva was robbed of the bowling averages. But statistics can tell lies and damned lies. If Siva didn't bowl more wides, long hops and beamers (ask Housing Corporation about his beamers) than any other Superstars bowler then the world is flat, and Elvis, Princess Di and Lord Lucan are partaking of Tiffin in the Ritz. If there were a category for luckiest bowler of the year I am sure Siva would win hands down. Still luck does win matches (and money!!). Remind me to ask Siva for some tips on the horses. Unfortunately when it came to wielding the willow Siva's luck ran out. He batted five times and he scored 0 (tour), 6, 0, 0, and then 10 not out which saved him from an extremely embarrassing average. Siva did not make any major muck ups in the field but did not take any catches either.
17. Chris Smith
I cast my mind back to a sunny day back in June playing golf at Knole Park. My playing partners were Les (mine's a pint of Fosters) Smith and his son Chris. I politely inquired why Chris hadn't been playing cricket was told "no wally has asked me". I therefore the wally (Bally) about Chris's availability and the rest is now history. Chris played his first match against Housing Corporation and promptly took 4 for 17 which would have been the best bowling figures of the season but for his jamminess Siva. In his next three matches Chris took four more wickets which meant that he needed two wickets in our our final match against Dodgers to (a) get the qualifying number of wickets and (b) in all probability win the bowling award. He opened and bowled one of their openers in about the fifth or sixth over. But then in his seventh (and last) over he produced a "real beauty" (ask Terry) to comprehensively bowl Bultitude who is one of the best batsmen we have to bowl at. Just for that one genius ball he deserves the bowling award - I'm sure Simon agrees (mutter, mumble, flipping jammy so-and-s0). Chris batted three times scoring 19, 17 and 14, good knocks considering he was down the order and runs were needed quickly. In the field Chris took two catches which was one more than Steve Carter and two more than Tony.
Player 18. Mike Taylor
Last year's master batsman was given little opportunity to retain his crown. Barry shifted Mike even further down the order which meant that while he again had a goodly amount of not outs he didn't get the chance to make any reasonable scores. His best knocks was a mere 13* in 8 innings in 18 matches. Mike was given a bowl in every match he played and bowled a total of 95 overs during the season which, along with Jason's contribution (91 overs), accounted for over a third of balls bowled by Superstars. Mike invariably was asked to open the bowling so often had to bowl against the classier batsmen unlike Jason and Siva. Although Mike came fifth in the averages this was mainly due to a lack of wickets (dropped catches, no luck and LBW appeals etc) rather than runs conceded. He bowled 13 maidens and his line and length was ten times better than in previous seasons. And he bowled far fewer wides. At last it seems that Mike has learnt from watching the master. Perhaps there is hope for Siva. Again Mike was Mr Reliability (and Mr Poseur) in the field even though his catching magnet was not working to full capacity - he took only seven catches.
Player 19. Tony Whitrod
Unlike last year it gives me great pleasure to comment on Tony's efforts this year. What're the words I'm looking for to describe his contributions? REALLY BAD. His batting was average - a top score of 34 in 13 innings (and it should be borne in mind that, apart from Middleton, he often faced pretty poor bowling) and his bowling was pretty mediocre - one wicket for 32 runs in three spells. But t'was in the field that Tony was at his worse. He would stand, still as a statue with his hands in his track suit pockets, reluctantly moving only when absolutely necessary and then at a speed a tortoise would be ashamed of. And he has the unmitigated gall to take the mickey out of genius fielders such as myself, Steve Carter and Dave Crozier. Tony didn't drop any catches this season because he never bothered to try for even the easiest chances. His one notable piece of fielding was to run out Andy Crawford with a direct throw from the boundary but i'm sure Andy only went for a second run because he saw the ball was heading towards our worst fielder. Tony blamed his poor performances this season on a back injury but bravehearts like Matt COnway, Steve Conway or Steve Meyler have never complained or let the side down because of their injuries. Tony's season reached its nadir when he refused to take the field against Housing Corporation and trudged off home. Why did he do it? Ask him - no one else has a clue though he did owe me a drink.
Player 20. Tom Wilson
Tom finally became fed up with travelling all the way to Chiswick so only played twice this year. I did not play in either game but gather he bowled as well as ever taking 3-15 off 7 and a bit overs against CENTYMCA and 1-25 off 6 against Treasury.
21. Others
Merv Aranha - Classy player who turned out once for Superstars scoring 4 runs and taking 0-25. Did I say classy??????
Gary Bartholomew - Gaaruuussome graced us with his presence on tour and did nothing - see Tour Report.
Tim Barraclough - Former regular who has left for sweaty sock land but did turn up on tour - see Tour Report.
Andy Crawford - Dodgers regular who played on tour - see Tour Report (this is getting monotonous).
Rehan Haider - Complete novice who played against the Post Office - yes that's right the Post Office with their demon bowler. So what number did Barry send him in - 4!!!! Are you sure? Rehan prepared to face Middleton with his box around his knees and Barry claims that only his quick intervention avoided certain injury. Yeh okay Bazza. Needless to say Rehan was out for a duck.
Andrew Ledger - Only played once this year (bowled a mere 8 balls) because of injury and chess committments - Andrew reckons he's an international master. Oh yeah pull the other one. We've heard all this rubbish before from Neil Benn and his Bridge master classes. Do I look like a village idiot??
Phil McBarron - Dodgers player who was fortunate enough to get two matches on tour - see Tour Report. He played one other match scoring 17 and taking a catch.
Yogesh Patel - Former regular who deserted Superstars to become the driving force behind the Highways Agency team. Went on tour scoring two runs and taking 0-12 - see Tour Report
Neil Priest - Dodgers regular who played once on tour - see Tour Report
Kevin Roper - Dodgers player. As we were short in our match against CENTYMCA, Kevin kindly agreed to help out. However he did not arrive until after tea, went in at No 3, scored 1 run and promptly left for home. So in all he stayed about five minutes and did no bowling, no fielding and no umpiring. In summary NOTHING.
Picture Bonus
Andrew Ledger Chess
So what did happen? A pint to the first person (apart from Andrew) who gets it right. Also half a pint for spotting the mistake in the commentary.
comments powered by Disqus
Related Links
2000 Results & reports
2000 Stats
Nick Nguyen 100 & Record Partnership with Matt Conway
2000 Llanelli Tour Report
2000 Sports Day winners
2000 AGM
2000 History
Other Player Reports
2003 Player Reports
2000 Player Reports
1999 Player Reports
1998 Player Reports
1997 Player Reports
1996 Player Reports
1995 Player Reports
1994 Player Reports
1993 Player Reports
1992 Player Reports