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BACKGROUND |
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Occasionally this website does investigative work to uncover
the dark corners of Superstars CC and try to name and shame culprits. Fortunately this "speaking truth to
power" is uncommon but over the past 40 games a shameful trend has emerged that the website felt compelled
to investigate. Superstars CC have a rich and glorious history of over 800 games, however since the end
of the 2017 season the lowest total record has been beaten on three occasions. These occasions are- |
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57 all out vs Dodgers (31/08/2017) |
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39 all out vs Bricklayers Arms (12/06/2018) |
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36 all out vs Treasury & Cabinet Office (02/08/2018) |
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It is worth noting that we've beaten all three of these teams
in the last two seasons so these performances are particularly hapless. |
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We spoke to a renowned statistician (who would have earned a Nobel
Prize for his Superstars Stats if there was a Nobel Prize for Statistics) about this worrying trend, looking for
an informed technical opinion and
he said "yeah mate, looks well dodge". Having got this valuable insight and statistical proof that this
trend was significant and unlikely to be caused by chance we furthered our investigation. |
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LIKELY FACTORS |
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Whilst it was impossible to prove any links to match fixing
it is worth considering why any Superstar would want such repeated collapses and who would be in the strongest
place to ensure such hapless cricket. The kind of Superstar susceptible to such incidents could be- |
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i) Captains, they set the tone of the team and make
vital decisions like batting orders and whether to force their side to look into the blinding
sun for an innings. |
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ii) Lower-middle order batsmen, while a collapse at
the top of the innings can always happen (high quality opposition bowling, tough target to chance
because our bowling was poor) the middle order will virtually always recover the situation
because opponents go easy, bring on the weaker bowlers etc etc. So to ensure a collapse continues it's
best to position yourself in positions 3-9. |
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iii) Wicket keepers, I haven't worked this one out yet
but we can all see where this is heading so it make sense to beef it out a bit. |
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SUSPECTS |
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During these three games 24 different Superstars made
appearances (some more glimpsing than others). Clearly those that made one appearance are of no
interest to the prosecution but all became useful witnesses. One witness, who didn't wish to be named
so we're going to call "Gaughty", spoke of an inevitability in the game he appeared in - "it was almost
as if whatever we tried a greater force was at play ensuring this was a bad gig". Another witness, who
as a Knight of the Realm brings an impecable moral standing, felt under such
pressure in another game that it was almost as if bright lights were being directed at him as the bowlers were
running in. |
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Five players had played two games, they being John Bishop,
Konrad Chodzko-Zajko, Chairman Matthew Conway, James Hemingway and Gary Plahe. All of these have been
contacted and warned that their involvement is being monitored however there is no reason to believe
this more more than co-incidence and lack of actual cricketing ability. It's worth noting these players
don't fill the criteria above. The same is true of one of the two players to appear in all three of
these games, Roy Varghese, who as a tailender could not realistically blamed. |
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One final player played in all three games and we can confirm
that our crack team of investigators are hoping to speak to a 69 year-old gentleman from Kent regarding the situation.
We've released the following picture - pixelated due to legal reasons - of the suspect. We'd urge the man to give
himself up - he's run out of options, much like his batting partners. |
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