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Superstars Captain, Treasurer and speedster Barry Gigg has laughed off the level of corruption at world football bosses FIFA, the world's largest purchaser of brown envelopes. Speaking from the inside of a volcano in rural Kent he pointed out that Sepp Blatter had gone through the "bureaucracy and ignomy" of more than one election - "I've been unopposed as Superstars treasurer and captain for almost 20 years through a variety of err, let's call them, 'tactics' and have benefitted greatly from this job security".
A business partner of Gigg, speaking from Southern Italy, said Barry's tactics cleaverly combined old school and modern and he was greatly admired around the world - from Southern Italy to North Korea. "We have worked on projects together and he's one of the greats - the fact he does it while maintaining the illusion of an English gent is just added genius.
FIFA are nothing
A Superstars player, speaking anonymously in his Welsh accent, admitted he was scared of Barry's power. "They say 'Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely'", said the anonymous man while in pain through his ribs persumably caused by one of of Barry's henchmen, "and this could not be clearer than with Barry who has ruled over Superstars for such a long time he now sees it purely as a vehicle for his own benefit. I mean how else does a retired civil servant afford holidays to such glamorous places as the British Virgin Islands, Jersey and the Maldives.
Far from being perturbed by these suggestions Barry has recently announced that Superstars will no longer play home games in South London but will be based in Siberia. "Although the 5 foot of snow and long travel times may not be condusive to cricket the luxury appartment in Dubai for my cats is definitely worth it" said the Captain, Treasurer and future President.
This follows on from the tied match controversy which seems to have gone quiet. In unrelated news Steve Meyler was injured early in the season and hasn't been seen since.
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