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LIVE TEXT REPORT |
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1730 start. But just Barry and me at 1720. |
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1735: 6-1 in terms of players. |
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1739: Arriving at the ground, Chris calls for the ball to be hit to him from 30 yards. Accurately assessing the likelihood he'll catch it, no one bothers. |
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1744: Guy caresses the ball into one of the boundary markers. While warming up. From a distance of five feet. |
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1749: Bowling specialists from across England are assessing whether Will's bowling action exceeds the permitted 15 degrees of flexibility. Many consider their train fares wasted. |
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1756: Barry concedes the toss to Marauders so they can bat and we can get under way. King Canute looks on approvingly. |
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1825: Superstars prove Brian Cox's belief in a rational universe is wildly misplaced. Pies get wickets. Pies go for boundaries. Good deliveries get wickets. Good deliveries go for boundaries. |
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1850: And in an act worthy of the revelation that there really is a divine being, Mike Duggan TAKES A FUCKING HAT TRICK WITH HIS FIRST THREE DELIVERIES. |
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Mike bowls a ball that dips viciously and forces a miscue that is caught at extremely deep Silly Mid On. |
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Mike bowls a ball that drifts in tempting the batsman down the wicket, the ball turns almost square and Barry is left with a simple stumping. |
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Mike cleverly spots the no.10's weakness (batting) and fires one in and he's stumped too. |
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Mike in action |
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1856: Before being mullahed off the rest of the over (the number 11 resembled Steve Smith). |
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1915: Marauders collapse from 103-4 to 113-9, then recover to 138 all out in 20. |
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1925: Superstars take to the field in light worthy of a Martian dusk. |
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1938: Vijay tees off. Superstars 38-0 from 4. |
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1944: Conway’s eyes light up at a double-bouncing half-tracker. Then so do the bails—or they would if we could afford flashing ones. |
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1951: Vijay retires. James hits a few. The quality of substitute fielding briefly surges, to no appreciation whatsoever. |
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2001: Marauders retain fielders on the off side to Gary. Superstars players laugh quietly. |
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2009: 47 needed off 48. Then 45 off 36. Eek. Remember The Flashing Blade from the 1970s? Think Gary. |
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2012: Suddenly it’s darker than a dark place where dark things are being done. Also known as the Cabinet Room.
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2017: 39 needed from 30. All impetus generated by the excellent opening batsmen has been squandered.
Not one call about the end to which to throw a fielded ball has been heeded today. By either team. There have been no run-outs. |
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2021: Barry chips to the square-leg fielder. The audience groans. Then takes another swig from his bottle.
35 from 24. |
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2025: Marauders have appealed for LBW on average every 0.023 deliveries. The umpires have given no LBWs. |
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2028: Another One Bites the Dust blares from the nonexistent speakers. Superstars subsiding like the bar of soap you leave in the bath and never find again. |
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2031: “Run!” shouts Barry from the boundary. Oh, the irony. 27 from 18. Chris is practising deflecting a throw to the boundary. |
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2033: Guy admits he likes hitting hard and quickly... |
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2035: Gary bowled still looking for the mythical land called "Cover". |
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2041: The strangle never lets up. Superstars succumb by 15. Only one team lived up to its name tonight.
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Author: Matthew Conway |
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Team: Gigg (c), Duggan, Hewlett, Conway, Boubly, Plahe, Anand, Thomson, Hanif, Spry, Chodzko-Zajko. |
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